FRAGILE

someday you'll understand
what i meant when i sad that word
what i meant when i rested the palm
of my hand on your chest and said "Fragile"
what i wanted you to feel
when i started to trace your eyebrows
with my fingers and said 'i like this'
and how i continued with your
nose and your lips 'i like this, i like this'
and how i gently passed your neck 'i like this'
and how my fingers stopped when they
brushed your left chest again, 'Fragile'

someday you'll understand
what i had in mid when i said that word
what burning desire i had for you to know
that i wouldn't break your heart
like the others did in your past
that i would never make empty promises
that you could trust me when i say
the word 'i love you'
that i would take care of that delicate heart of yours

someday you'll understand
how i felt when i said that word
how i was crying inside when i spoke it
how i felt the pain that you were denying
how i was determined to prove you wrong
how i would go through day and night for you

someday you'll understand
my intention when i said that word
why i said it even though i was more
broken than you would ever be
why i wasn't willing to let you pay
for you and your mistake
why i ignored my own pain
and cried for you instead

someday you'll understand
that i wanted when i said that word
what i wanted you to realize
when i touch you there
to realize that i was ready to bleed for you
to bleed from the cuts on my fingers
as i pick up the fragments of your heart
and make it whole again

someday you'll understand
why i left my hand there and said 'Fragile'
why i didn't want you to make you love me
that all i wanted from you
was to let me love you
even when i secretly wished that
you would fight for me too

xoxo

What i see

In all these city streets,
Where people look the same,
The only one I see,
Is the one that has your face,
And all these city sounds,
Where echoes ring in pain,
The only sound I hear,
Is the calling of your name.

And all the leaves that change,
On all these sturdy trees,
Can never mean a thing,
Unless you’re here with glee,
And all the roses bloom,
And blossom in the night,
For you I’d pick out one,
And hold it in the light.

And all the doves that fly,
In all these lonely times,
Are completely unaware,
How much I raise you high,
And where they go I know,
Doesn’t matter when,
They are in their flight,
Together they stay friends.

And all the ones that go,
Because they never stay,
Have never meant a thing,
Because I know that day,
You became the one,
The one who’s meant to be,
The one that I can count on,
The one I always see.

A chance this could be wrong,
A risk we all must take,
So I will sing this song,
Until my heart does break,
And when we find our way,
Just like those soaring doves,
We might fly one day,
In the serenity of love

xoxo

Unscripted Confabulation

It’s 4 a.m.,
I take back my previous epiphany,
I realize,
I don’t want you,
I need you,
Like the salt needs the sea,
or the sun needs it’s rays,
I need your hot breathe on my neck,
I need your hands squeezing my hips,
I need you to whisper how much you love me,
I love you more than the smell of rain,
I need you,
I need you more than you need me
and I don’t know what’s worse


xoxo 4 am 070314

TERIMA KASIH

Terima kasih pernah datang, lalu menghilang
Terima kasih pernah ada, lalu tiada
Terima kasih pernah menghibur, lalu kabur
Terima kasih pernah meninggikan harap, lalu menjatuhkan
Terima kasih pernah mendekat, lalu menjauh
Terima kasih pernah peduli, lalu tak acuh

Terima kasih...

Aku Ada, Rectoverso

"Aku memandangimu tanpa perlu menatap.
Aku mendengarmu tanpa perlu alat.
Aku menemuimu tanpa perlu hadir.
Aku mencintaimu tanpa perlu apa-apa.
Pesan ini akan tiba padamu, entah dengan cara apa."
-Aku Ada, Rectoverso-


“Dengarkah kamu? Aku ada.
Aku masih ada. Aku selalu ada.
Rasakan aku, sebut namaku seperti mantra yang meruncing menuju satu titik untuk kemudian melebur, meluber, dan melebar.
Rasakan perasaanku yang bergerak bersama alam untuk menyapamu.”
-Aku Ada, Rectoverso-


well, that quotes always ruin in my head over and over again
even when i dreams in my sleep
wondering...
thinking...
about the Star who always shine for me in the dark
now, he's gone
gone far away
gone so far
for how long, baby?
how long i should stand of it?
and,yess... he's still gone

xoxo

Moving on

What if I asked you
What was the hardest thing you ever had to do
And for me
It was moving on from you
And there’s no set guide
No perfect way to move on
But I have a few things
That helped me move along
You turn around
And you walk away
You don’t answer their calls
And you don’t play their game
You clean your whole room
And throw everything from them away
You scrub their smell off you
And exile it from your clothes
You look at something beautiful
And realize it’s still gorgeous without them
You go to the places the two of you went
With your best friend
And you have a good time
Even without them
You tear up all the papers
And you cross out all the hearts that decorate your notebooks
You go to bed without them
And you don’t feel sad when you wake up alone
You forget
You push the memories away
And you move the fuck on
Because they were just a chapter in your story
And now it’s time to start a new one
Without them
And you’ll be okay
Maybe not today
But one day it’ll all be okay

spoiled

today, suddenly i became a morning person
it's not bout being diligent
but heart feeling vestige last night
and i was down to the road
thinking of my dreams and fantasies
and PHOOOWWW!!!!
unconsciously i heard and sang a joss stone's song

SPOILED

I kinda thought that I'd be better off by myself
I've never been so wrong before
You made it impossible for me to ever
Love somebody else
And now I don't know what I left you for

See I thought that I could replace you
He can't love me the way you do
'Till now I never knew
Baby

I'm spoiled
By your love boy
No matter how I try to change my mind
What's the point it's just a waste of time
I'm spoiled by your touch boy
The love you give is just too hard to fight
Don't want to live without you in my life
I'm spoiled

I tried to tell myself that I'd be over you in a week or two
But baby that was 'bout a year ago
I've never seen the word love so personified as I do with you
And that is why I just can't let go, oh no

Spoil me

And I would only be fooling myself if I tried to
Believe there's room for someone else in my heart
There ain't no way I'm getting over you
I don't know what I've been trying to prove
I'm hopeless, helpless when it comes to you

and my day turn to gloomy
hmpfff